I have been breastfeeding my son for 19 months.
I never thought I would make it this far. I never had supply issues and he latched perfectly from day one, but breastfeeding wasn't a struggle for me because of the mechanics of it.
Since day one, I have struggled with sharing my body and growing used my son’s constantly changing relationship with breastfeeding.
In the early days, it was so hard to put so much of my life aside just to lay in bed and feed my baby. It was hard to enjoy, hard to relax, hard to be present. Time passed and I learned, but laying still was replaced by acrobatics while breastfeeding and twiddling with my other nipple as he fed. Feeling touched out was such a hard feeling for me, it affected my relationship with my son’s father and created so much anxiety in my daily life.
I have never wanted to stop, for me personally the hardships can never outweigh the wonderful moments that me and my son share while nursing.
The early morning cuddles and his hand rubbing my arm as he nurses to sleep. His little eyes gazing up to find mine, unlatching just to smile up at me. His little hand signing “milk” in the middle of the night.
After my separation, breastfeeding was our safe zone, the days were hard and our home wasn't the same. Nursing Sol was the only thing that felt “as usual”. It kept me grounded and provided some quiet amongst the chaos that our lives were at the time.
We are still breastfeeding, with no end in sight. I want to continue until we both have outgrown it. Nursing a toddler is a wild ride, but I am not ready to stop and his little fingers reaching for my shirt every time I walk into the house tell that he isn't ready either.